She of Memories Past and Fading
by OtakuSailorV
Summary: Akito Sohma, current full bearer of the curse placed on the Sohma family. But who was the former? Akito reflects on Arisu Sohma. .::COMPLETE::.
1. Default Chapter

She of Memories Past and Fading  
  
By: OtakuSailorV  
  
Note:: NOT a Mary-Sue  
  
Akito POV  
  
There was a time when I was a child too.  
  
I had a mother, a father, and a life.  
  
But I was always being reminded of my destiny. . .  
  
And when that destiny was revealed to my mother at my birth, she left. She didn't want to see her child in pain, and left with my father.  
  
At least, that's what I was told since I can remember.  
  
"You are cursed, someday, you will bare the curse, and that's why your mother left you. She didn't want to see your pain."  
  
I remember sadness.  
  
I never spent much time with anyone. I was lonesome, and wandered aimlessly from room to room in the Sohma estate most of my younger years.  
  
When I was about three years old, I stumbled upon a dark room. All the doors and windows were shut tight, but I could hear that someone was inside. There was the sound of labored breathing, and the rustle of cloth as something moved.  
  
I stood in the doorway, frozen in shock and confused horror for who knows how long.  
  
But finally, I moved, and the door that I was leaning on slid open suddenly.  
  
There was a startled gasp and I saw a pile of bedding in the middle of the room.  
  
I think the person that resided under those sheets gasped at the same time as me, and scared us both senseless. Neither moved, the sheets didn't even move from the stiff breathing the being across from me was forcing out of itself.  
  
I was on my knees now, still staring wide-eyed into the room, my hands still holding tightly to the frame of the door.  
  
Finally, after what seemed like forever. The being under the sheets moved, and I gasped as I gazed at her.  
  
She had short black hair, and her deep blue eyes shimmered in the light that flooded from the doorway.  
  
"Who are you?" She asked quietly, her eyes full of wonder, despite the fact that she was an adult.  
  
I didn't dare move, not even my eyes shifted their gaze for fear of her.  
  
"I-I'm Akito. . .Akito Sohma. . ." I replied quietly, my voice barely audible, but she heard me all the same.  
  
She nodded, as if she had guessed, and let the sheets smother her to the ground again.  
  
"Well, we had to meet something." She said simply, brushing back her bangs from her forehead with one hand.  
  
She sighed exhaustedly and let the bangs fall back to their place.  
  
She turned back onto her elbows and smiled happily at me, shifting the sheets so that she could get out. "Well, it's nice to meet you, Akito Akito Sohma. I'm Arisu Sohma."  
  
She got to her feet, the long night dress swirling about her feet as she walked across the floor and got a long robe from a hook and placed it on herself.  
  
She smiled at me as she turned again. "Will you accompany me to breakfast young Akito Akito?"  
  
I finally moved, coming out of the stunned daze I had been in. Was she. . .was she smiling at me?  
  
I got to my feet, but still clung to the door like that was the only way I could stay on my feet.  
  
"Actually, it's just Akito Sohma. It's nice to meet you Arisu-san." Ack! What was I thinking?! Why was I addressing her by her first name already?!  
  
I mentally kicked myself, but I think she knew why my eyes squinted shut and my cheeks burned. She smiled and chuckled as she swept forward.  
  
"Well, then, Akito-kun, will you accompany me to breakfast?" She bent and smiled at me, one hand sticking out, waiting for me to grasp it.  
  
I felt the muscles around my mouth twitch into an unfamiliar position. It felt strange, but it seemed to match the sudden leaping feeling in my heart.  
  
I noticed that the skin around my eyes had crinkled so that they were almost shut, and that they sparkled like hers did.  
  
I was smiling for the first time in my life.  
  
My hand moved forward and grasped her warm hand tightly. "Yes, Sohma- san. I would be honored to go to breakfast with you."  
  
She laughed, and I felt glad that I had used the right phrase. For some reason, I wanted to impress this woman that I knew nothing of but her name.  
  
Arisu Sohma.  
  
What a lovely woman.  
  
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
  
Ok, this is NOT a Mary-Sue in any way, shape, or form. This is simply my own guess at what the Curse is, if someone bore the curse before Akito, and if so, how that person affected his life. And I think that the curse was probably passed to him at his birth, but for this story, the curse could not be passed so soon without the person I am trying to portray dying in the process.  
  
Hey, I was listening to my Fruits Basket English CD (got it at Suncoast Video) and heard Track 13, (which is called "Strange Family" or something to that effect), and immediately started to think about making a fic that dealt with Akito's past. ^_^ So, if you have this CD, it may become useful in later chapters if there are later chapters that is.  
  
Ok, if there are any questions, feel free to ask me. Though, I do not know what happens past the anime and the second volume of the manga. (As this story is being written, only volume 1 and 2 of the manga exist in an English format and I do not read Japanese.)  
  
Depending upon the success of this first chapter, I may or may not make more. It all depends on the reviewers. ^_^  
  
Anyway, thanks for reading, and please review it. ^_^ Well, ja.  
  
Review please!! 


	2. Chapter 2

She of Memories Past and Fading  
  
By: OtakuSailorV  
  
Chapter 2: Strong Hearts  
  
(A/n:: Everything will be from Akito's POV from now on unless otherwise noted. Thank you.)  
  
I asked Arisu many times what her curse was. What it was that I would someday take from her. I had never thought it was something awful. For her always to smile despite having this curse, it couldn't have been too horrible.  
  
Yet she would never speak of it. She would become instantly silent whenever I asked. Her eyes would shadow as if she were in deep, pained thought, and her smile would fade, her lips forming a thin, white line across her face. Suddenly, she would pull herself from her inner reverie and smile at me softly. Simply telling me, "It is nothing for you to worry about yet."  
  
I could tell that whatever the curse was, she didn't want to speak of it, and seemed to despise the idea of giving the curse to me.  
  
I remember one such conversation about the curse many, many years ago. . .  
  
* * *  
  
I was but a child still then, getting used to having someone spend so much time with me. Especially someone who was so chronically ill as Arisu.  
  
I remember one day, it had just stopped raining, and she went out with me.  
  
"I love it right after it rains, the world seems so calm and peaceful." She drew in a deep breath of the misty air and sighed, smiling at me.  
  
"I used to go out after the rain all the time, my caretakers would get so mad at me. They were sure that I would get sick." She laughed and flexed her skinny arms underneath her thin sundress. "But I never did."  
  
I think we both laughed then, for sometime we laughed just for the sake of laughing. I started to feel like she was sharing something with me, trying to tell me something without actually saying it aloud.  
  
"Arisu-san. . .why don't you ever go out in the rain anymore?" I asked tentatively, eyeing her to see her reaction.  
  
She didn't narrow her eyes or get angry like I thought she might, instead, she sighed and ruffled her hair with her hand. "Well, because I haven't been in the right health lately. Just a bit of walking gets me to coughing like I'm dying."  
  
We stared into the wet leaves and grass for sometime, listening to the drip of water and the cool whisper of the morning air.  
  
"Is it. . .because of the curse?"  
  
She nodded in reply. "Yes."  
  
"Will I be like that when I have the curse?" I felt for the first time a curious overwhelming sadness form inside myself. My heart ached at the thought of not being able to do things that seemed so simple for me to do right then.  
  
She patted my back from her seat on the wet grass. "No. I won't let you be like that Akito-chan."  
  
I think tears started to fall from my eyes, and I remember biting my lip against a sob that formed inside of me. I wanted to wail into the morning light, but I didn't want to ruin Arisu's first day out in months. So I forced the sobs down, and let the tears fall silently.  
  
* * *  
  
I grimace at that memory now. She had told me, practically promised that I would NEVER be like her.  
  
I feel my heart going into a rage, and I slam my fist down on the table in front of Hatori, who is in the room with me at the time that my memories started to seep back into view.  
  
Sometimes I wish that Hatori would just erase my memory of Arisu. At times now, I hate her, I wish she were eliminated from my memory. I don't want to remember her, the one who had smiled despite this curse that causes so much pain to those that bear it.  
  
But the reason I hate her most is because she could do things I still can't. She didn't blame anyone for her immense pain. She never became angry with or asked more of the Zodiac members than they could do. She always smiled, despite her pain, and she always, always cared for those around her. She never once wished death upon herself so that she could escape from her pain. She never wished for escape, because that escape would only be through me.  
  
But that is also the reason why I admire her. For all those reasons, I both love and hate her for them. She is so much different than me. . .  
  
"Akito-san?" Hatori is watching me curiously as I fume from my inner torment. "Are you feeling well?"  
  
I shake my head and tell him to go. "I am fine. . .it is only. . memories. . ."  
  
He glances one final time before he slides open my door, and leaves.  
  
I wait until his footsteps have diminished before I take time to notice that tears have started to fall down my face.  
  
Damn that Arisu for letting me cry!!! Why did she have to tell me that it is not weak to cry, that those with strong hearts cry often?! And not for themselves, but for the sake of others, for that is what people with strong hearts do. . .they care. . .  
  
I slam my fist down on the table again. Her words and smile echo in my mind and make me want to beat my head open to get them out.  
  
My heart screamed in pain as memories came flooding back in, and I wished for Hatori to come back and take the memories away.  
  
But a soft smile floated into my mind suddenly, and all thoughts of making the memories leave diminished. How could I make the memories leave, if what I needed the most at times, was her soft, knowing, comforting smile to lead me?  
  
I sigh softly and let my mind drift into sleep. Before my eyes close fully, I hear one last thing she told me when I was younger. . .  
  
"Akito, don't ever think you are weak. For bearing pain for others is a great thing. A man who lays down his life for his friends, is a very strong man. He is not weak, for he cares so greatly, that he would die for those he loves to live."  
  
"And what if I died, but those that I sacrificed for were not my friends?"  
  
"Then that makes you stronger, for you would die for a stranger, someone you didn't even know or cared very little for."  
  
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
  
Heh, sorry that the chap is so short, and that it might be a bit confusing. If it is, tell me, and I'll try to clear it up during the next chapter. ^_^ Ok, ja!! 


	3. Chapter 3

She of Memories Past and Fading

By: OtakuSailorV

Chapter 3:: Arisu's Season

The others know what is on my mind, I am sure of it. They know why I get extremely moody around this time of the year. It's spring, Arisu's Season.

She always reminded me of spring for some reason, ever since the beginning.

_"Spring is Arisu-san's season."_

_"Why is that?"_

_"Just because spring reminds me of you, Arisu-san."_

I can almost hear her laughter at my words. She must have thought me a very silly, head-in-the-clouds child. Still, I cannot shake the idea that spring was Arisu's Season. 

She was like a breath of fresh air after the cold hardships of winter. She was the world to me, she was my breath of fresh air. She was like my mother, like I had dreamed my mother might be like. As a child, I was sure she would always be there for me, that we would never be parted now that I had found someone that seemed to love me.

But it seems that everyone that would care for me slips away between my fingers like so many grains of sand. They day, wither away, or disappear. No one that has ever come to know me has lived to tell the tale.

. . .Is this part of my curse. . . ?

I do not realize that tears are running down the side of my face until it is too late. Again Hatori is present as I reminisce. How dare I let myself cry when someone is present to see it?

I growl, moving my head away. He did not seem to have noticed my tears until this action though.

"Akito-san? Are you alright?" He comes closer, noticing that I am moving my bent head away so that he may not see my tears.

"I am fine. Leave me." I order angrily through grit teeth.

He seems to notice what is going on now; my voice must be shaky from the tears.

Hatori leaves without a word, and I wait several seconds before crushing my long, thick kimono sleeve to my face and rub the salty tears away. I will not allow myself to cry for that foolish woman, never again.

Why must everything I care for die? WHY?!

* * *

**Hatori POV**

It is the time of year that we have all come to know as 'Arisu's Season'. The name for spring that Akito-san created when the previous curse-bearer passed from this world.

He no longer allows us to speak of her though, nor does he allow spring to be called 'Arisu's Season'. All the same, everyone calls spring 'Arisu's Season'.

None of the younger Sohma's remember why it is called this, they have simply grown up hearing I, Shigure, and Ayame speaking of 'Arisu's Season' before. Obviously, we had to provide an explanation for why we had changed the name of spring to something so much longer, but we did not tell them the whole story.

_"It is called 'Arisu's Season' for the one that held the full weight of the curse before Akito-san." _

That was the most explanation that they had ever given the young Zodiac members.

Yet we are forced to dwell on the past, while the others are oblivious.

Though we rarely speak of it at times other than Arisu's Season, it is always one of the most painful memories gnawing at the back of our minds.

Arisu Sohma's death. The death of the full bearer of the curse is a horrible thing, but with Arisu, it seemed so much more painful. Possibly because she had been so close to us, or maybe it was because she was one of the only female bearers of the curse, or it might just have been that she had refused to pass the curse to Akito-san as she lay dying.

Whatever the reason, the memory saddens us all, but none more than Akito-san. He thinks he hides it - or maybe I am fooled by his unwillingness to show his emotion for the woman - but we all know what he is thinking when his gaze lingers on the new spring flowers. He thinks only of Arisu Sohma at times like this. I will not say that I think he was ever in love with her, but she definitely holds a place in his heart. A place that will forever remain empty, and – I believe – will always be the reason Akito both hates and loves her.

* * *

**Shigure Sohma's House; no particular POV**

Tohru took in a deep breath of air, smiling the whole time. "Ah, spring." She sighed happily, looking over at Kyo and Yuki with a bright smile.

Yuki smiled back, but Kyo's face remained stern as a small wind picked up, blowing their hair around with its sweat, new scent. "Arisu's Season. . ." Yuki replied just as airily as he gazed up at the evening sky.

The clouds passed lazily overhead as the wind continued to blow. Confused, Tohru turned toward them again. "'Arisu's Season?'" She questioned.

Yuki nodded. "Yes, it is what the Sohma's call spring." He explained without looking her way.

"Really? Why do you call it that?" She asked brightly, smiling again.

Kyo looked at her sidelong for a moment before picking up where Yuki had left off. "It's for some woman that bore the curse before Akito." He grunted. "We don't really understand the whole story behind it. Shigure, Hatori, and Ayame never speak about it. And Akito hates it when anyone even mentions the name 'Arisu.'"

Tohru was once again confused by the answer to her question. "Why does he not like it when people speak of this 'Arisu'?"

Kyo shrugged. "Hell if I know."

Yuki was silent for a minute, his eyes blank like his expression as he mulled something over in his mind.

At length, he replied to Tohru's question.

"They say that Arisu Sohma was someone very important to him."

* * *

Short chapter, I know. And after not updating in like, forever too. sigh I'm sorry minna-san. I'll try to update again soon and make it a much longer chapter as well.

Thanks for the reviews, I'm so very glad you like this story. I'm enjoying writing it just as much.

Thanks again. Ja'ne!!

Review please!!


	4. Chapter 4

She of Memories Past and Fading

By: OtakuSailorV

Chapter 4:: Pain

_**"They say that Arisu Sohma was someone very important to him."**_

What do they know? What do they know what is and is not important to me? I could care less if I died right now. It would show them, then they'd be sorry.

But why. . .why do I want them to fear me so much? Why do I feel like a mad man whenever I laugh, whenever I smile? Was it. . .was it that woman that did this to me?

Was witnessing her death such a mortifying thing that I can no longer act like a sane person.

How could this be when I do not even remember witnessing the death of that woman like everyone told me I did?

I do not even remember that day. My memories skip completely over it, as if it did not exist.

One day, we were playing together in her quarters, a nice card game, because it had been raining and she told me she was not feeling well enough to play anything else. Then there's a black spot, and it hurts whenever I think about what the spot might be for too long. The only thing I remember that day was hearing: "Akito, Akito listen. Arisu-san is dead, you are the head of the house now."

Some sort of pain hit me in my heart at that moment. Those words. The words I had never wanted to hear anyone say to me: _". . .Arisu-san is dead. . ."_

I must have blacked out then, for everything after that is a blur. But still, that does not tell why I cannot remember what happened before that, or even the face or voice of the one who had spoken to me.

I had put it all to rest years ago that it was simply that I had received the curse, the full-brunt of it and – still a child – could not take it, so the immeasurable pain was blacked from my mind. Still. . .it feels like there was something more to it than that. . .

**Crash**

"Quickly, quickly, this way. Be careful!"

Heavy footsteps rammed against the wooden floorboards, pounding in synch with my heart. My mind raced, no clear thought evident as people ran passed me in every direction, shouting orders and looking quite frantic. For whatever the reason though, I was still rather calm until someone nearby shouted something that made me just as frantic and lost as the others.

"Arisu-! It's Arisu-san!! Quick, we think she's dying!"

Time seemed to stand still as my life blood chilled in my veins. Arisu was. . .Arisu was dying. . . ?

Before I knew what was going on, my body was filled with a purposeful energy, and I streaked through the halls to her room, my feet barely touching the ground in my frantic race to get to her. I knew it, I was sure of it, as soon as I got there that she would be fine. Everything would be ok. Arisu wasn't dying. Those people had to be mistaken. . .Arisu. . .Arisu _couldn't_ die. I wouldn't let her. . .

I stopped at the door, panting for air, my heart pumping as fast as it could, straining and creating a weird squeezing feeling in my chest as I raised one shaky hand to the frame and pushed it open a touch.

There was a flash of light, and my heart beat suddenly faster. There was something inside the room. Arisu-san was there too, but there was something else. Something dark. It lurked inside, peering at me with ghastly pale, glowing eyes. I gasped, fearing for myself and Arisu-san. The creatures turned their eyes on me, and suddenly. . .

I sat straight up in my bed, gasping for breath as cold sweat poured from my body. I looked about me and stopped as I noticed that I was safe in my own room.

"Another nightmare."

I have been having the same nightmare for many years now, and still it scares me. There is no doubt in my mind that the nightmare comes from the day that Arisu died, but I have no recollection if this is just a dream, or if I am trying to remember something long condemned.

I calm myself, my breath finally evening out as I wipe the sweat from my forehead. Such a strange dream. . .

What are those things that I see writhing in the room around Arisu's laboring body? Why did I feel so frightened by something other than the possibility that Arisu was actually dying?

I put two quavering hands to my face and let out a sigh, trying to compose myself.

I should not be acting this way. It was just a nightmare. . .just a dream. . .

. . .So why did it seem so real. . . ?

I let out another sigh and lay back down on my bed, a hand pressed to my forehead as I think this over. Such a troubling nightmare. . .

_'So why allow it to keep repeating itself?'_

A deep, dark voice inside of me speaks what I have been thinking for sometime. Why should I let this dream continue? Why do I let myself relive such painful things? Why not just have Hatori erase whatever is causing me to have such dreams? He can do that, can't he?

_'Why not just get rid of all your memories of her as well?'_

Another notion that I once thought of. But it was only briefly, and I had dismissed it as soon as my mind had come back to me. How could I ever think of erasing such memories?

_'Don't they hurt you?'_

My memories of Arisu? No. . .no, they don't hurt me. Arisu made me stronger, didn't she? Arisu was like my mother, she cared very much for me, and I don't ever want to forget her.

_'But so much pain has been caused from your memories of her, right? Don't you remember all the pain you have inflicted upon your little Zodiac members when you in pain from memories of her? You did all of that because you were furious at her. You hurt them, caused them so much pain, caused them to hate you, because you could not control your anger over her death.' _

My slight frown deepens.

_'Don't deny it, you know it's true.'_

No, it's not.

_'It is true. The things you have done to them have haunted your every thought. You may not act it or say it aloud, but it does. Don't deny it, it is truth.'_

It is not! I never hurt them because of Arisu. I hurt them because they would not obey me. Do not twist my mind!

_'I need not twist it, I AM your mind. And I know what dark secrets and thoughts you have even ones that you yourself do not acknowledge.'_

". . .Shut up. . ."

_'Her memories haunt you, and you know it. There is something dark and secret you keep hidden from the others; what is it Akito Sohma?'_

"Shut up."

_'You hate her, you hate her for leaving you alone, for leaving you so soon, for just leaving you when she knew how much you needed someone by your side. You hate her, and in your hate you have committed acts of violence against your fellow Zodiac members. Erase her memories Akito, erase her from you before something bad happens.'_

"Shut up!"

_'You HATE her. She is dead, Akito; there is no reason for her memories to linger. Destroy the memory, and you destroy her altogether. You won't hurt anymore if you destroy her.'_

I have already sat back up, my brow furrowing deeper and deeper as I listen to this strange voice lie like a snake to me. "Shut up!!" I yell loudly, raising my hands to either side of my head and squeezing my eyes shut tightly as I try to force the voice out. But there is no stopping the inner voice; it is louder than I can hope to be in my condition.

_'Destroy her Akito. Destroy the witch that haunts you. Destroy all those that would replace Arisu, that would appear to be Arisu. Don't let any part of her remain. Do not let any of them be reminded of her. Destroy every last shred of her existence, Akito. DESTROY HER.'_

Hatori has arrived to my aid just in time to hear me scream at the voice in my head.

**_"NO!! Shut up!!!"_**

I let out a few painful gasps for breath as the voice finally fades away. I cannot hear it however, I go on screaming, yelling at the top of my lungs as Hatori goes to Shigure and some of the others for their help.

They arrive swiftly, looking me over as I scream, cradling my head and lashing out at them as they draw near. I can no longer tell if the voice in my head is speaking or not, I'm in a mad rage. How dare it order me around like that?! And for all things too!! Erase Arisu from my life?! Why would I do something as stupid as that?!

She meant the world to me. Even if her memories pain me, I will not allow them to be destroyed. I will not allow anyone to take her memories from me.

**_"You must take her memories away, Hatori. She'll be better off that way."_**

What? Did I. . . ? I said something like that to Hatori once, didn't I? Something about that woman of his wasn't right? Her name was Kanna?

She had been so much like Arisu. . .

I stop in mid-swing as Shigure and Hatori pin me down, trying to calm me, or to at least subdue my flailing arms.

I allow myself to be stopped, drawing deep, pained breaths as the world slowly fades to black.

. . .No one is allowed to be like Arisu. I will not allow another Arisu to enter this household. . .never. . .

* * *

Ok, mainly there, I was trying to make a connection between Kanna, Tohru, and Arisu. Since they all pretty much act the same. It's supposed to be like, Akito was so distraught by her death that he won't allow any more people like Arisu to come into contact with him. While 'him' might extend to others, as in Tohru and Kanna. He doesn't want anyone like Arisu to come into contact with his 'his family'. The Zodiac members or any of the Sohma's that he has power over for that matter.

Finally, then there comes the little dark-minded side of him that kind lurks around and knows all of his dark little secrets that he won't even think about. This 'dark' Akito is a nagging creature that often comes out when Akito is in a foul mood, or when he thinks back on old memories of Arisu sometimes too. 'Dark' Akito doesn't like Arisu and rarely has a point in his speech besides 'destroy Arisu and all those like her'. This is where Akito goes mad at times and attacks. You could say when Akito 'snaps' (like those times around Tohru and Kanna). Does everyone understand this? I'm trying to make it simple, but I'm not doing a very good job, am I?

Anyway, if there's need for a better explanation, I'll try and give on in the AN for the next chapter.

Thanks for your reviews also. They make me a very happy person. And Everyone likes it when V-chan is happy. Cuz everyone in the vacinity suffers when V-chan gets angry.

But enough about that, I'm starting to make myself sound psycho. . .Thanks for the reviews and hope to see you all soon with another chapter. Ja'ne.

Review please!!


	5. Chapter 5

She of Memories Past and Fading 

By: OtakuSailorV

Chapter 5:: Suppressed Memories 

Could it be? Could I, Akito Sohma, be harboring suppressed memories? How very strange. . .

And yet it is the only explanation I have for the strange visages that I have seen time and again, why I do not remember Arisu's death though everyone claims that I was present when it happened.

What did happen. . . ?

My head hurts so whenever I think about it. Damn it all. . .

* * *

I have wondered before if I should call Hatori in and see if he can unleash these memories that are suppressed – if they do indeed exist. I am leery of seeing them though. **No**, I am _not_ showing fear. I am simply thoughtful on this subject. Would you not be too? For there must have been something terribly horrible that happened to suppress _my_ memories so.

Tch.

I cast the idea aside once again. Maybe I am better off not knowing anyway. The rushing memories, so long kept hidden finally pulling to the surface would probably just make my already overly stressed body weaker. It is not worth my time.

_". . .All the memories I have are beautiful in my mind. . ." _

A song fleets across the back of my mind. The rest of the song is unknown, but those words are sung clearly in my mind. Strangely enough, the singer has Arisu's voice. I smirk at my silliness. So, even now she will not stop haunting me?

At times, I feel like I have forgotten her.

At times, her face is distorted, the length of her hair, the sweet tone of her voice. Whole scenes may be fringed in my memory, but the next day, they will be whole and untouched. What this means, I do not know, but I plan on correcting it if that is possible.

I turn my face from the pool of water that my eyes had been lingering on for so long. Shigure has come to visit again, and I do not want to be rude to him, now do I?

I smile at him hauntingly as he follows my gaze.

"What is troubling your mind, Akito?" He asks, smiling in the same strange way.

I turned my half-lidded gaze from him, watching a songbird in the branches of the tree. Lifting my hand, I let it alight on my index finger. My smile opens up, revealing my teeth in the smile as I watch it with detached fascination. _'Go on little bird. Fly away. I envy you, navigator of the free sky.'_

Finally, when I see that it is making no plan to flee from me, I bring my hand back down, closer to my body and gently stroke it's head with my other finger. The heavy kimono around my shoulders slips slightly at my moves, but I take little notice. I'm not particularly sick at the moment, so the heavy burden is of little use to me.

Shigure watches this, awaiting my answer in silence. His eyes tell slightly on inner confusion. _'Aw, are you wondering about my behavior now, Shigure?'_ I scoff inwardly at the thought. _'Of course you are. I haven't acted this way for quite a while, have I?'_

I turned and flashed a bright smile at him; a rather good impression of a true smile, if I do say so myself. He seemed stunned slightly at my reaction to his question. I suppose maybe I am in a better mood than I usually am, but it is no need for such surprise.

"Something. . .on my mind? No."

As if on cue, the bird that had been on my finger raised it's little wings and took to the air, beating them as hard as it could to get up in the sky. Shigure watches the bird fly away, a single feather floating through the air in its path. I follow his gaze and my smile softens as I reach toward the feather like a child. Oh, to be free would be wonderful.

* * *

Ack! It's short, I know. Gomen nasai. **bow, bow**

As a note, I'll be ending this series of fics soon. Maybe in another two chapters. I haven't decided yet. But it will be soon. Not to fear though! I'll wrap everything up nicely. **small grin**

On another note, thank you all for your continued support. This is not only my first FuruBa fiction, but also my first thing that was mainly written from first person. (And about Akito-kun) **bow, bow** So, your support is truly appreciated. Really, you make me so happy. **big smile** (Suddenly feeling very Tohru-ish)

Well, I'll be sure to see you all son! Ja'ne!!

Review please!!!


	6. Chapter 6

She of Memories Past and Fading

By: OtakuSailorV

Chapter 6:: Suffering and Death

I called Hatori to my rooms today to see if my hypothesis is true. Are my memories of Arisu's death truly suppressed? I must find out if Hatori can help me in this matter or not.

I am sitting quietly, staring out my open window at the birds again, and he is sitting on his knees near the low-rise traditional table in the middle of the room, watching me with hidden curiosity. I have yet to tell him of what I want from him this day.

Slowly, I gather my thoughts and decided on the wording of my question. Wording is everything you know. If you put even one word in a sentence that does not belong, it can cause a world of a difference in meaning to people.

"Hatori. . .do you believe that memories can be suppressed by horrific events?" I ask, though my lips and mind feel numb as I continue to stare longingly out the window.

His head pops up to look at me in a questioning motion, his one good eye blinking. I remain silent, ignoring his questioning gaze to watch the birds as the flit close to me then turn away again.

He takes his time in answering me, something I do not take a liking to, but it does add to dramatic effect, even if there is no one else but us two to witness it.

"Yes," a simple answer at first, then he adds on to it an explanation. "It's been proven that humans can suppress unwanted memories of the past that may disturb them." His voice is firm, and I can tell that he is learned at least slightly in this area.

I tilt my head upward and to one side slightly so that I peer back at him out of the corner of one eye in an eerie way. "And do you think that humans can recall those memories on their own?"

"It is possible. . ." He says slowly, obviously thinking something over. For a moment, I feel a smirk coming on for I know that he is catching on to my motive. Yet it matters not to me and I clear the smirk before it even touched my lips. "It can happen, if something relating to the incident is presented to the said person. Yet it might be highly traumatic. . ."

He enters the last bit in a warning tone and I jerk my head sharply toward him to show that I do not appreciate his opinion at the moment. "Hatori, what would you say if I told you that I wish to know what happened in my suppressed memories?"

His mouth opens slightly in shock and I smirk lightly, turning my head fully toward him. A flicker of candlelight gives the mind the idea that his eyes are wavering when truly they are not. Their depths flash briefly as the truth sinks in on him and his mouth parts again to speak. "You're suppressed memories. . . ?" He questions, regaining his composure.

I do not move my eyes from his. There is no need to confirm it, Hatori might be blind in one eye, but he is not deaf in one ear. "I wish to know what happened the day of Arisu's death. . .the day the shone shown brighter than any other day of the year."

I know his surprise is not at my words, but the fact that I have spoken the name that I had so long forbidden anyone else to mention. Are you confused Hatori?

I decide to answer the question he is afraid to ask of me. "Why do I wish to remember how Arisu died?" I know that my eyes have taken on a sadistic glint and that my lips are curled into the same sadistic-looking smile. The depths of my eyes sparkle with a cold knowledge that would freeze a pond in the middle of the summer.

"Arisu was my everything," I know that my voice is irregular and that I probably sound like I've lost my sanity, but I do not care. He wanted my reasoning for this, and he will hear it, no matter how it chills him. "I want to know what happened to my Arisu that was so horrible, I could not bare to keep it alive in my memories of her."

I want to laugh, to let out the tension in my chest and throat in a scream of laughter instead of tears. I refuse to cry any longer for that woman. I must know what happened to her. I must remember.

My mind is no longer my own as I watch him through wide gray eyes that I am quite aware must appear purple in the dim light of my quarters. "I must know what happened to her."

My voice is small and feeble now, but I will not allow him to feel that I am in any way weak this day. I must know what is locked so securely in my mind! What is some small part of me trying to hide from the rest of my being that is so horrific?

Hatori is watching me warily, knowing what I must be seeking from him. Yes, Hatori, I plan on using your power for my own gain, whatever that 'gain' may be in the end.

I smirk darkly at him, raising my chin a little to give off a pompous and conceited mood.

"Will you assist me, Hatori?"

My voice is steady now, I'm glad that I have regained control of my pitiful emotions as I look across the room at him, forgetting my winged friends outside the window.

It might as well have been an order instead of a question, for he and I both knew that he could not deny me this. I am Head of the Sohma household; no one may defy me in my lands.

Hatori makes a face, looking troubled briefly about my request. In his silence, I notice that there are silent shadows creeping about outside my quarters. Hmm, so, Shigure and Ayame have come to their friends' aid. How touching; though I do not plan on hurting him. I chuckle inwardly at them, they must truly think of me as some monster.

Though I do not disagree with them on that matter, I _am_ a monster. Everyone in this accursed family is a monster. We are all doomed; there is no escaping our curse.

I look to him with a beseeching look in my eyes. "Well, Hatori? Will you assist me in this?"

He swallows and I see a muscle in his mouth twitch with displeasure before he nods solemnly. "Hai, Akito-san."

I smile at him; a true smile, not a smirk. For some reason, I feel relieved that he has agreed to help me, though I know he is afraid of the consequences.

"Good." I say in a pleased tone. "How do we go about this then?" I sit back, still smiling pleasantly at him in a slight effort to lighten his mood. Secretly, I watch the discreet movements of Ayame and Shigure outside of my doors with wary eyes.

Hatori gets to his feet, the swagger of his body as he stands speaks of weariness and the desire to deny me this favor. Slowly, he walks toward me, and I am aware of time seeming to slow as I try to capture this last moment in my mind for future thought. His heels give a muffled thud when they hit the tatami mats, his clothing whispers against each other and against his skin as he nears. His breath has caught and he is breathing shallowly as he comes close to me. "Are you sure you want to do this?" He asks in a only slightly warning tone.

I nod solemnly, finally letting down my guard enough to give him a weak and frightened smile. My heart is hammering with anxiety in my chest. "Yes. I am sure."

He gets down on one knee, one arm draped over the knee as he reaches the other out and places it on my face. The feeling of his palm is warm against my skin, and I smile again as I feel the pads of his fingers tighten. Just before he is about to reach out with his powers, I let out a final troubled breath, my lips moving of their own accord in the form of words. "Thank you, Hatori."

I can feel a shock go through him at my words, but he has no time to stop what he has already done, and I feel something click in my mind and suddenly an overwhelming emotional pain fills me.

Memories come surging back, ones that I knew existed, ones that were too old for me to truly remember, and finally, a series of dark ones that make my mind scream even before I have truly looked at them closely.

I let out a petrified scream and Hatori pulls his arm away as if I was poisonous. My hands fly to my head and I let out another yell and I curl in on myself. Some part of me that still clings to the outside world watches as Hatori's eyes waver, holding his hand that had released my memories in his other hand. His muscles are stiff and taut, and he looks frantically horrified as he watches me through his only good eye. Ayame and Shigure bust in not much later after hearing my screams and rush to him before coming toward me. I look to Hatori, though my mind is currently occupied by other things, I feel one final, calm thought enter my mind. Oh, Hatori, don't look so frightened, the look really doesn't fit you.

Ayame and Shigure are in my line of vision now, blocking Hatori from me. But that's just fine, for my world is slowly fading to black. . .

* * *

_"Hurry! Hurry, it's Ms. Arisu!! She's in trouble!" A man that I did not know stood in the center of the bisection of hallways, shouting orders and pointing to younger men and boys that hurried to do as he asked._

_In the shadows stood two men that had been overlooked by the frantic man that was yelling. I stood near them, also shrouded in shadow it seemed, for no one noticed me at all._

_Several times I heard someone calling out for me, but I was too frightened to move from my spot. I had never liked large, rushing crowds like this, they confused me and made me nervous. _

_The two men behind me were speaking in hushed tones, and I cocked my head to the side just enough so that I could hear their voices more clearly over the roar of the shouting and tramping. I did not want to let on that I was listening, so I kept my eyes straight ahead in a precarious manner, letting my eyes follow men and women as they rushed through the halls, ignoring me and the men speaking. Still, I could only catch a few spoken words between them, and none of it made sense until. . ._

_"They say Arisu-san is dying."_

_"Aye, is that why they be needing that boy? And all of those other people? Those men and women that all have the strange colored hair and eyes? The ones what always keep to themselves?"_

_"Yes, rumor has it that they are the ones what be cursed."_

_"Even the boy?"_

_"Aye, the boy too. But he isn't cursed like they are. Nay, he will be the one that will take the full weight of the curse after Arisu."_

_"But such a small boy! How could he possibly- at such a young age-!"_

_"Hmm, that's what I think. But he is the one, there is no other."_

_Their words fell on me like a load of bricks, stunning me completely. No, not the part about my being the one to come after Arisu, I knew that already, it was their first words._

_**"They say Arisu-san is dying."**_

_But that wasn't true! My Arisu. . .my Arisu had promised she would not leave me, that she would **never** leave me! And my Arisu did **not** go back on her word! She would never lie to me. . .**Never**._

_My heart skipped a beat and before I knew it I had torn from my spot, dashing between people's legs, knocking them over, tripping over my own frantic feet, and making a mad dash for where I knew Arisu would be. _

_People poured from every hallway and doorway, but no one seemed to be going down the long hallway to Arisu's quarters. I overlooked this in my frantic manner and raced for the door, sliding to a halt in front of it. I didn't stop to catch my breath, though my heart was giving erratic palpation's that were warning me to stop, and my lungs and throat burned with wind-fire. _

_Still, I paid no heed to any of this in my frantic state of mind. The only thing that I knew at that time was that Arisu was in trouble, even possibly dying, and I would not let her be alone. With this in mind, I flung open the door and found to my horror that Arisu was indeed **not **alone._

_The sight before didn't register at first, for all I saw was large, black, writhing shapes that hissed on the tatami mats. The air smelled putrid, like musty animals, and in the midst of all the hissing I could hear pained breathing. Sharp, short sounds that sounded more like gasping screams that actual breaths. _

_As soon as the door slid open enough, and the light from outside poured over and around me, I saw eyes flash from the darkness at me. Yellow, pale and sickly, all huddled near the flailing sheet._

_Forgetting my fear of the unknown creatures, I ran from the doorway to the sheet and kneeled at her side, tears in my eyes. I grasped her hands in my own and she seemed to calm immediately, as if understanding who was with her. Tears poured down from my eyes as I peered at her sweaty, pale face. She looked clammy and sick, and it was then that I first peered into the eyes of a dying woman. Her tiny fingers, always so weak, clasped mine in an effort to comfort as her half-lidded eyes saw my weeping face. One hand reached out toward me and she stroked them away gently, smiling softly at me the whole time. She opened her mouth, and words started to form, though her voice was so raspy and labored, that her sentences would be left unfinished for periods of time for her to try and suppress some pain that wracked her frail form. Her eyes were sad, and a single tear slid down her cheek. _

_"Akito. . .Akito you. . .must be strong. . .Promise me. . .promise that you'll be. . .strong. . ."_

_I think I squeezed her small hand too tightly at her words, but she did not wince visibly so I only increased my hold as I bent my head over her. "B-but I-I can't Arisu-san. . ." She said helplessly, trembling. She took several long, deep breaths, but said nothing. "I can't go on without you, Arisu; please – take me with you!!" _

_I begged her; my eyes flooded with so much water that her form was a blur of color. She 'shh-ed' me in a comforting way, though there seemed some urgency in her tone as well as her eyes moved to the writhing figures about her that I had forgotten. "No, Akito. You cannot come with me." She was speaking sternly, though her voice was raspy and her eyes were lost in waves of pain. "You are too young to go where I am going."_

_I sniffed, rubbing with one hand at my eyes. "I-I don't care." I sobbed loudly. "You promised we would always be together, Arisu. Please, I don't want to be alone again." I clung to her hands as tight as I could, trying to push some of my young strength into her if it meant she would be with me a bit longer._

_She smiled serenely and turned her head from me, closing her eyes as another wave of pain took its toll on her. I watched her with horrified eyes. "A-Arisu?!" I screamed her name, half-afraid that she had left me._

_Her fingers moved slightly in my palms and I calmed. She 'shh-ed' me again, pressing one of her hands to my lips. Her eyes opened again as her head lolled back in my direction. "You do not want their attention, Akito." Her voice was small and fading._

_"Arisu?" I asked in a quieter tone, lowering my head closer to her. _

_Her hand that I did not have clasped in mine rose and she pointed to the writhing figures all around us. "They are listening. . .do not speak too loudly, my Akito. Yelling attracts their attention. . ."_

_I stopped, catching my breath as I realized that I had overlooked something. A dark aura seemed to slip through into my mind, and I shivered visibly once before I turned my eyes slowly upward. I could feel dread creep into my heart as I peered into the yellow eyes of some unknown creature who's warm, rank breath seeped from large nostrils and blew at my face, blowing my hair aside from my face. _

_I know my eyes widened, and my knees took a firmer grip on the floor and I continued to stare into the eyes, my fear clenched in my throat. I opened my mouth to scream, but nothing came out, I was barely breathing for fear of this creature that I could only see the outline and eyes of. Still, it looked angry and in such pain that was beaten only by Arisu's. I shuddered and grasped Arisu's hand tighter. "Arisu. . ." I said in a small tone, my eyes still locked on the fiery yellow ones. "Arisu. . .what. . .what are they?"_

_'They', yes, 'they', for though my eyes were only locked on one, there were others writhing and watching, squealing and making the noises of pained animals. _

_Arisu's tired eyes turned toward me, and I could see that she was passing away from me. Something inside of me pulled and more tears welled up to see her in such pain. Oh, my Arisu, why can't I help you, share your burden?_

_"They are those that hold the curse. This is. . .what happens to the members of the Zodiac when the full bearer of the curse is dying. They can no longer hold. . .a human form. . ." Her words were sporadic, but I had pretty much gotten the idea between her labored fragments. _

_I squeezed her hand tighter at her words though. For some reason, the idea that she was dying had not hit me as hard as it should have yet. And hearing her tell me this in such simple words felt like my heart had been wrenched out. I was out of tears by then, but my tiny body still shook from spastic convulsions. _

_I opened to my mouth to speak, but it snapped shut in horror as I felt scaly skin slide over my legs, and heard the scuttle of something behind me. The animals were all around us now, and I couldn't help but squeeze her hand so tightly I was sure I would break it in my fright. _

_I was aware of how fragile she was suddenly, and tried to lessen my hold, though it proved a futile matter. "Arisu. . ." I squeaked in a frightened voice. Fright for her, and fright of the monsters. _

_Suddenly, the shoji door, which I had left partially open, was flung back with a tremendous force. I turned with a start to see a tall, gangly man standing in the light, one arm still thrust out in the direction of the door. _

_He had a hard look in his eyes, and I was only slightly surprised by the orange hair on his head. I couldn't avert my startled eye from him as he came forward, hands clenched into fists at his sides. He spoke no words to me as he entered, nor did his eyes turn my way, still – I felt an air of hostility coming from him directed at me. _

_Arisu did not seemed at the least frightened by him. "The Cat. . ." I heard her voice come out as whisper-soft. So low was her tone that I wasn't even sure I had heard her. . .maybe I had imagined it. . . ?_

_Still, as I turned with a questioning look on my face toward my ever-suffering mother-figure, I saw that there was some strange emotion flickering in her dulled eyes. Tiredness, hope, and apprehension reigned as the most supreme as her gaze lingered on the man who continued to come closer. _

_I felt my breath became shallower, and I looked to my panting friend for support. Her eyes did not meet mine though, not even when the strange man knelt beside me and took her other hand in his did she turned her head in my direction._

_Suddenly, as his warm hands closed over her small, dainty one, I saw a flash of rejection, and terrible outrage in her eyes. Her hands increased their hold on mine in my hand, and I wondered if she was wasting too much energy in this act, for she also appeared to be weaker. "No!" She screamed at him, trying to twist her hand away._

_He held her tightly though, his hard gaze never wavering from her frantic eyes. He did not answer her at first while she tried to regain her hand in a futile manner. _

_Arisu's arm eventually went slack, tired from an over-expenditure of nearly non-existent energy. Her eyes blinked closed slowly, and came back open. There was a strange kind of fear shining in them, and she reminded me briefly of a wounded deer. _

_Finally, after a small lapse in her fight, the man kneeling beside me spoke. "Arisu, its time."_

_She nodded slowly, and I felt forgotten, set adrift in a strange world. Her eyes fluttered and drifted shut, and I felt her grip on my hand slacken. I could tell she was leaving me, and I felt a sinking feeling hit me suddenly I wished to cry with renewed tears, but none would come. I was drained and tired._

_I let her hand slide from mine onto the covers of the futon, bending my head slightly. I wasn't ready to lose her yet._

_The man looked on at her mournfully for a second before he slowly, too closed his eyes. He looked older then, the determination gone from his features as he sagged slightly, seeming to lose himself. _

_I opened my mouth to speak, but somehow I knew my words were lost on them. I could only watch, with startled, wide eyes as the man before slowly started to change. His orange hair ran down his body and grew in great clumps, like fur, and he slowly was shrinking, his features and body changing. _

_I pulled back slightly from him as his clothing caved in around his now tawny, orange-furred self. Arisu's hand lay on top of his slim yukata that now lay in a heap on top of a small, barely distinguishable form. _

_Presently, an orange cat's head stuck out from under the clothes, and one paw crept out, touching the forgotten hand of Arisu, who lay breathing shallowly in her futon. I looked to her in fright, for as soon as the cat had touched her, I had felt something inside of me give my heart a stinging feeling. Gasping, I clutched to my chest with one hand. What was happening?_

_Arisu's breathing became shorter and shorter, and what little color was left in her cheeks and body was drained. She was leaving me. I let out a scream, my whole body jerking with pain. Unfortunately, my display brought unwanted attention, and the animals swooped in around me. _

_I felt their skin and breath again me as they crowded too close. My mind and body screamed as one, denial lacing my every motion as I fought to get to Arisu. I wouldn't let her die- not alone! I would make it to her and then. . .and then. . ._

_Pain seared through me until I wasn't sure what I had intended the sentence to finish off as. What did I think I could do for her? Gasping for breath, I thrashed against the pain, letting out another mournful, animalistic howl before I felt my world going black._

_"Arisu. . .you promise. . ."_

* * *

I woke with a start, sitting straight up in my futon on the tatami mats of my own room. A room that had once been Arisu's, and had once been the room of the curse bearer before her. I grimaced as my head swam, cold sweat running down my body and making me feel like I needed a bath promptly.

Staggering to my feet, I walked toward the rice-paper screen doors and slid them open, revealing my own private garden. Resting one shoulder against the column that supported the roofed path-way that winds around the entire building, I leaned there for a few seconds, trying to regain my composure.

My breathing grew shallow after a moment, and I turned my head toward a songbird that it flitting away from my person at a rapid pace. As it becomes nothing but a tiny speck in the sky, I feel myself growing envious of the bird again.

_'Arisu. . .why did you have to break your promise. . . ?'_

-End-

* * *

Well, that's the end. And for an extra – it's long! Eheh. . .

I hope you all understood that, for there's very little explaining I could do right now if you didn't. I do tend to get confusing at times, and if you see a problem area, please do inform me so I can fix that right up. **grin**

Thank you, all of my supporters, from the bottom of my heart. I'm sorry that the series took so long for me to complete, and if it seemed repetitive at times. (I have a habit of doing that without intention at times too) You guys are the ones that really pushed me to finish this group of little one-shots. I feel slightly heartened that people like it just to hear about Arisu-san. I was afraid people would mistake her for some may-sue or Tohru wannabe or something. **sweatdrop** It's nice to see that you guys understand.

**smile** Well, it's time for me to go. Thank you all once again, and I hope you enjoyed _SOMPAF_!! Ja'ne!

Review please!!


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